Where does my momentum come from.... a question asked by a friend

   The question that was asked of me was " Where u find ur motivation each day to keep pressing on " - Ronnie Solesbee.
 
    This was a very simple question, and even a more simplier answer. However, it is very in depth. So where do I find my motivation each day? Well, allow me to answer that.

    Growing up, my father and I did not have the best of relationships. Quite frankly, from roughly about age 9 till I was 19, we really didn't have a relationship  as a father and son at all. Growing up, I wasn't too sure why, and I was confused by the lack of, what I would call in my fragile mind during those years; an interest from him towards me.
     After a few more years of bumpy roads in the path of our relationship from about age 19-26 or so, and with the help of my step mother, my father and I were able to put bygone's behind us and started working on a friendship of a son to a father, and what I would add to that,  as a father not knowing too much about his son. We spent every year together on at least a once a year father/son only hunting excursion in southern Utah for a few days. We got to spend time together, talk about nothing and everything, and we created memories that were and still are just ours.
      Now, my father was a large man in stature. He was a few inches taller than I was. I believe him to be around 6'2" or so. My large size came from him, to that there is no doubt. My father also had medical and health issues, but his love for his family, and grand children were unquestionable and overshadowed his health issues. He loved being a grandfather first I think, and a father second. At least, from what I saw and expierenced.
       However, sadly, August of 2010, my father suddenly passed away while scouting an area for an elk and deer hunt. He suffered a heart attack and was gone almost instantly.
       When I was notified of his sudden passing, and when I snapped out of my shock at that time, I sat and thought a lot of what I was doing, what I had been doing, and what I wanted to do in the future. I came to the realization at that moment, that I didn't want to be like my father. Now mind you, I had my gastric bypass surgery back in March. I wasn't totally sure of my drive to have my surgery at that time, except to save my ass and my job; and to provide a paycheck for my family in a struggling economy. However, I was much like my father in the sense that I was on a path of morbid obesity, being unhealthy, and living day to day being at risk of ending up like he did. I had hypertension ( high blood pressure). I had no cardiovascular exercise regiment, except for how quickly I could get up and get something to eat or drink from the refrigerator. I had no weight lifting regiment, save the weight of my supper plate. I had zero energy. I had no drive. The only thing I did possess an abundance of was excuses. I had more excuses for why I was fat and unhappy than the day had hours.
      I hurt every day. I hurt from hurting. I wasn't really happy with who I was physically. I tried to hide the pain, but it was only a facade. The year 2010 was when all of that ended. It was a rather heavy year for me personally:
      1) March 1, 2010 was the day I killed my old life and started the path of a new one.
      2) August 2010, my father passes away from a sudden heart attack.
      3) Thanksgiving night 2010, I ended up in the hospital emergency room with severe stomach pain and cramps, and ended up having my gall bladder removed the following morning, and then being out of work for the rest of the year.

     So, where does my day to day motivation to keep pressing on come from? To not end up like my dad did at such an early age. He was in his mid to late 50's if my memory serves me correctly when he passed. I want to be able to run and play with my children. I want to watch my kids get older. I want to grow old and pester the living hell out of my friends and family, and more especially my endearing wife. I want to live long so I can ask people stupid questions, and bother them, and more importantly, I want to live a long time so that I can be an example to my children, my dear friends, and family and to prove to them that they too can accomplish whatever their goals may be. Albeit weight loss, to be a better person, a better employee/employer, or just a better friend. 
      I love my father. He taught me a lot of examples, but indirectly. His teaching methods were a bit different than what people would consider the norm, but regardless of HOW he taught, he still taught. From what I can recall of his lessons, he never voiced his opinion unless it was asked. He kept his thoughts to himself, but if you asked him for guidance and help, he would offer it.
     
     The second aspect of my day to day motivation is each of you. My wife, my close family, and each and everyone of my friends who have been supportive of me throughout this journey. Its because of your support, that fuels my inner fire. EACH of you have not let me down, so how dare I even think to take that for granted and let you each down? I couldn't. I won't.
      I feel so blessed when each of you trust in me enough to share your success stories with me. Whether it be to lose weight, or try something new and overcome a fear, or whether it be just facing the fears of not having a job; and landing that job that makes you so happy, that you enjoy going to work each and every day. These little tidbits that you; my friends and family, have shared with me, help push me even harder. It's not to out do any of you, but I can literally feel your strength and support each time I'm lifting those weights, or running that extra few minutes, or pushing through some other form of regimented exercise.
      There have been some people that I have thanked for my continued success quite frequently in these blog postings, and this time I am not going to thank them. Not because I don't appreciate them by any means. That is not the case. But, there are other people that I too must thank.
       First, I can never thank my wife enough. She has been such a wonderful support system, and listening ear, and has completely re-changed her eating habits and style, just to help me be successful.
        Next, I want to thank Cimmaron Kuskie. He and I go back many years. Though, our lives veered apart for some time, he and I still have that friendship from so long ago. He has been extremely supportive, and has helped pushed my story out to his network of friends. To you Cimmaron, I say thank you for not only trusting in me to help you, but thank you for being a great friend.
        Next is Kelly Adele. She has been such an amazing and powerful voice in my efforts to get things done with regards to my supplements and trying to acquire them. She too, has spread the word around when I'm up to something new, and every so often, she sends me such a kind word of support. To you as well Kelly, I appreciate you showing some faith in me to help you succeed in your goals.
         Phil Sandeen. I could not make one more blog posting without showing him some love and appreciation. He is never aware of how much he refuels my drive to be successful. I think he possesses an apt of spider sense and knows when I need a kind word, or an aspect of motivation. He is a humble giant, and having the opportunity to meet him, and converse with him has been such a blessing in my life. So Phil, please never think your influence in my life is not appreciated. Thank you.
         Finally, I have to give some major recognition to Luke Avina. He has been a great source of knowledge, information, support, and motivation. He is a dying breed of what it means to pay it forward. He is always willing to help people out, offer advice and suggestions, but he knows and understands the fine line of not offering unsolicited knowledge versus helping out when asked. Thank you Luke for always being there when I needed you.
          One more finally, I have to thank Cody Allen ( though he may never see this ). Thank you for always believing in me and having my back. 

Discovering your inner beauty.

   As of recent, my family and I have been afforded the opportunity to enjoy an odd winter with warmer weather. Because of this, we decided to take an impromptu family trip out into the desert and go looking for geodes at a nearby geode bed.
    We got to discover old historic locations of western Utah that we had never seen before, and when we finally arrived at the location of the Geode beds, what we came upon to me appeared to be that of the remnants of an old rock quarry. To say the least, I was a bit shocked at what we came upon. However, I decided that I needed to look on the bright side and make the best out of the opportunity. I was away from the house, I was away from work, I was spending quality time with my family, and we were all getting to experience something new together.
    We got our buckets, our digging utensils and we got to work. Digging for geodes isn't really all that difficult. However, if you want some of the nicer, more ornate geodes, you have to really work for them. Not only are you digging through compacted sand, but compacted rocks, trying to figure out which rocks are just rocks, and which ones will have a geode in them. But you are also having to try and find different colored geodes aside from the ones you have previously dug up over and over again.
    Once, we dug up the rocks that we thought were geodes, and had our buckets full, we then took the rocks home. Then we washed off the residual dirt that they were encrusted in, and then got to hammering them w/ a flat head screwdriver to break them open. That is where the true beauty of these geodes came forth. Each one had a different coloring on the inside. Each one possessed a different marking, and each one, in it's own unique way contained it's own beauty. That is where the reward from all the arduous work came from. To see the true beauty of what was inside of that dirt encrusted, hardened outer shell rock.
     So, how does this all apply to what I normally talk about... weight lifting, dieting, goals, etc etc? Well it's rather quite simple if you think about it. All of us have some kind of outer, hardened shell. In order to see the true beauty that not only do we find for ourselves that we possess on the inside, but for others to see as well, we must work hard to get to that point. Much like the digging, and the cleaning, and the hammering away the facade of the rock was the work, so too must we work to chisel away the hardened exterior,  and work to bring out the inner beauty to show to everyone. With dieting, we must break the exterior of our old eating habits, and lack of exercise. Whether we want to get into shape, or be healthier, or just be able to do more than we currently are, we must work for it.
      It is my opinion, that in this experience of digging for geodes, it was very symbolic of the work that myself, and others before me and after me have experienced and will experience. Through all the hard work, the determination of getting to the geode, and then scraping away the rusty, dirty exterior; then was the true beauty able to come forth. When it comes to dieting and fitness, no reward is paid off by taking the easy road. It's hard work, it will continue to be hard work, and only then when we get to the core, will we finally be rewarded with the end result.
       It is my belief that we each possess an inner beauty that is just waiting to be shown to our friends, our family, and the rest of the world. It may not be in physical form, but regardless, we each have something to show and give to another to make our beauty resonate loudly into another person's life. What matters individually, is just how much hard work are we willing to exert to find it.