Ramblings of a skinny fat guy

....." Many of you are going to have very difficult experiences: disappointment, heartbreak, bereavement, defeat. You are going to be tested and tried. I just want you to know that if you don't get what, remember, God is the gardener here. He knows what He wants you to be... "

                                                                                                               - Hugh B. Brown 

                                                           **** EDITOR'S NOTE*****


For sake of argument, or being accused of slander or libel, I am publicly declaring at this moment that I am speaking of no company directly in this blog. All posts in this blog are to be considered as me speaking generally in terms of companies. 

The whole story and the meaning behind the quote has been reeling over and over in my head a lot lately.  The past couple of weeks honestly.

These past few weeks have been by far the hardest for me to have to deal with, cope with, and quite honestly having to face. In spite of all the negative turmoil that myself and my family have had to go through, we seem to keep weathering through it. Through out these storms, I have been trying to get into the gym more and more, and to keep going harder and harder, to push myself to a limit that I never would have thought possible.

However, due to some recent illnesses, my gym time has been suffering. Mostly due to the pain that my body is currently physically having to undergo. Because of this down time from the gym, I have had an opportunity to think things through and I'm still not certain what the bottom line is, but none the less, I still have some ramblings to put down.

Why is it that the normal physique'd individual can not represent a supplemental company just as good as a semi pro or pro body builder? Why can't a normal physique'd stay at home mom represent a make up company or clothing line? Yet, there are certain companies that use your every day people to model their products that appeal to the normal everyday people. Why the two sides of the spectrum?

Lets think about this though. Most supplement companies want to have a body builder as their model, or spokesperson to represent them right? It is used as nothing more than as a marketing tool to try and get the masses ( both normal and unhealthy people ) to take their product and to subconciously think that by using their product, they too will get the body of a roman God. I used to feel that way about those companies, and in part, I still do. However, I would say that 90% of the people who take it will never achieve that level. Most runway models are like what, a size 0 to maybe a 2? Women adore these dresses, they have high hopes of being able to not only wear, but to afford these dresses one day. Yet, how many women are actually a size 0 or 2?

Allow me to go further... I was doing my domesticated husband duties one day and went clothes shopping with my wife in a particular retail store that attends the needs of your plus size people. All of the mannequins, and all of the posters of their models that they had displayed were women models / mannequins of a not so plus sized individual. Umm, excuse me? How in the hell, or rather why in the hell would you want to do that? It's not smart advertising. I used to be fat, I used to be large, I used to have my own damn zip code. I know what it is like to be so big, that when you walked up to a buffet, people moved out of my way because they didn't want to the fat guy to go hungry! Why would I want to shop in a store where their models / mannequins are of a skinny guy wearing a skinny version of the jeans I wanted to buy in size TENT? I wouldnt. I hated it, and quite frankly it pissed me off. It still pisses me off now.

The point I'm trying to make here is that plus sized people should not have to feel inferior at something as little as shopping for clothes, let alone with every other day to day products. It is my contention that a normal physique'd, in shape person can represent a supplemental company just as easily as a pro level type of body builder. Why? Have you ever looked at pictures taken from a body building show. The majority of the masses ( customers ) are people either in normal great shape, or leaning towards the heavier side of the scale. Granted, there are some people who go to these shows who have been putting in years and time in the gym, and for them I am happy. But why not have models, spokesman/women who are your typical, in shape, but not excessively cut and ripped or excessively obese to be a part of your company as a representative. That will appeal to the masses more. Why, because it is too realistic? People today want goals that are realistic and they want to know that they can achieve something, something that is is tangible.

You wouldn't ask a paraplegic what it feels to run would you? You wouldn't ask a blind person to describe to you the colors of the cloud filled sky either. What I am trying to say is I believe that people who are of normal size should be afforded the opportunity to represent companies for products that people want to use.


Now, I'm not saying to get rid of the bodybuilders; building and sculpting their body is more or less their job. That would be like asking a cop to go to work without a knowledge of the laws, or their gun. Nor would I ask a firefighter to do their job without a fire truck, or a source of water to douse the fire out. But my question, though rhetorical at best possibly, is why not have a regular physique'd person as part of the team for these many different supplement companies. I honestly believe that having a person who is of a normal physique along side a body builder would help sell products more than just a body building representative. 

Most consumers are skeptical, if not cynical of any product, regardless of the market that the product is aimed towards if all they see is beauty and perfection. We each see imperfections within ourselves. We see shortcomings, and trouble spots.

So then, do we like supplement companies because of their models ( male and female ), or do we pick and choose the supplements because their products work for us? Do we pick a sports team because of who is on the team ( the players ) or do we pick the team because we appreciate the clubs reputation? Do women pick a make up line because of their spokesperson ( ie super model ) in hopes that they will look as good as that woman does, or do they pick their make up choices based on several factors ( ie color options, whether or not they have allergic reactions to the chemical composition of the make up blend, etc etc ). I would dare say that we each pick different companies ( albeit supplements, clothing, make up, cars, etc etc ) based on several influences. Whether consciously or subconsciously, we all still do it. Speaking for myself, I would much rather pick a product that is used by everyday realistic people than products that use something or someone that is at a level of not being obtained by myself. That is just my opinion.

I wish to express how I do not pick a supplemental company because of their models. I pick them by trial and error based on whether or not they work for me. I do not pick my clothing based on the influence of any one person. I pick them because they fit me. However, last time I checked, Wal-Mart does not have any super popular model endorsing the Sam Walton Corporation. I do not choose my food based on any famous Chef or food critic. I pick my food based on what I like to eat.

One last thing before I close out my rant or rambling is how much I truly despise companies that lure people in with false hopes and advertising. Don't claim to be willing to do something for people if they do you a favor, then turn around and not fulfill your end of the bargain/agreement. I would much rather have never even seen what it was that company was advertising and go on my merry way, than to stop for a moment in hopes that the reward would be delivered for helping them out.

 If you found a stranded person on the side of the road, and they told you that if you gave them a ride to a specific destination and promised you a reward of $500 once you got there, you may be inclined to help them out. But you would be more inclined to help them out in the future again if they in fact gave you the $500 once you delivered them to their destination. However, if they didn't, you would go away pissed, frustrated, and most likely not be willing to help them out in the future, should you come across them again when they are stranded.

In closing, I wish to state that there is no underlying purpose or reason behind me writing this particular blog. It is derived from my own thoughts and inner demons. There is no expectations to come from me writing this. I have my own dreams and hopes, but those stay locked away in a deep cellar, free from the world and it's cruelness. Those dreams and hopes are part of the equation that keep my fire fueled to be who I am today, who I look forward to be tomorrow, and who I run away from yesterday. I may have struck a nerve with some of you readers, and if that happened, I can't say I'm sorry only because I am speaking what is on my mind and how I feel about the whole discussion. Just remember, we all have the means to get what we wish for... you just have to have the motivation and the desire to accomplish it.

Where does my momentum come from.... a question asked by a friend

   The question that was asked of me was " Where u find ur motivation each day to keep pressing on " - Ronnie Solesbee.
 
    This was a very simple question, and even a more simplier answer. However, it is very in depth. So where do I find my motivation each day? Well, allow me to answer that.

    Growing up, my father and I did not have the best of relationships. Quite frankly, from roughly about age 9 till I was 19, we really didn't have a relationship  as a father and son at all. Growing up, I wasn't too sure why, and I was confused by the lack of, what I would call in my fragile mind during those years; an interest from him towards me.
     After a few more years of bumpy roads in the path of our relationship from about age 19-26 or so, and with the help of my step mother, my father and I were able to put bygone's behind us and started working on a friendship of a son to a father, and what I would add to that,  as a father not knowing too much about his son. We spent every year together on at least a once a year father/son only hunting excursion in southern Utah for a few days. We got to spend time together, talk about nothing and everything, and we created memories that were and still are just ours.
      Now, my father was a large man in stature. He was a few inches taller than I was. I believe him to be around 6'2" or so. My large size came from him, to that there is no doubt. My father also had medical and health issues, but his love for his family, and grand children were unquestionable and overshadowed his health issues. He loved being a grandfather first I think, and a father second. At least, from what I saw and expierenced.
       However, sadly, August of 2010, my father suddenly passed away while scouting an area for an elk and deer hunt. He suffered a heart attack and was gone almost instantly.
       When I was notified of his sudden passing, and when I snapped out of my shock at that time, I sat and thought a lot of what I was doing, what I had been doing, and what I wanted to do in the future. I came to the realization at that moment, that I didn't want to be like my father. Now mind you, I had my gastric bypass surgery back in March. I wasn't totally sure of my drive to have my surgery at that time, except to save my ass and my job; and to provide a paycheck for my family in a struggling economy. However, I was much like my father in the sense that I was on a path of morbid obesity, being unhealthy, and living day to day being at risk of ending up like he did. I had hypertension ( high blood pressure). I had no cardiovascular exercise regiment, except for how quickly I could get up and get something to eat or drink from the refrigerator. I had no weight lifting regiment, save the weight of my supper plate. I had zero energy. I had no drive. The only thing I did possess an abundance of was excuses. I had more excuses for why I was fat and unhappy than the day had hours.
      I hurt every day. I hurt from hurting. I wasn't really happy with who I was physically. I tried to hide the pain, but it was only a facade. The year 2010 was when all of that ended. It was a rather heavy year for me personally:
      1) March 1, 2010 was the day I killed my old life and started the path of a new one.
      2) August 2010, my father passes away from a sudden heart attack.
      3) Thanksgiving night 2010, I ended up in the hospital emergency room with severe stomach pain and cramps, and ended up having my gall bladder removed the following morning, and then being out of work for the rest of the year.

     So, where does my day to day motivation to keep pressing on come from? To not end up like my dad did at such an early age. He was in his mid to late 50's if my memory serves me correctly when he passed. I want to be able to run and play with my children. I want to watch my kids get older. I want to grow old and pester the living hell out of my friends and family, and more especially my endearing wife. I want to live long so I can ask people stupid questions, and bother them, and more importantly, I want to live a long time so that I can be an example to my children, my dear friends, and family and to prove to them that they too can accomplish whatever their goals may be. Albeit weight loss, to be a better person, a better employee/employer, or just a better friend. 
      I love my father. He taught me a lot of examples, but indirectly. His teaching methods were a bit different than what people would consider the norm, but regardless of HOW he taught, he still taught. From what I can recall of his lessons, he never voiced his opinion unless it was asked. He kept his thoughts to himself, but if you asked him for guidance and help, he would offer it.
     
     The second aspect of my day to day motivation is each of you. My wife, my close family, and each and everyone of my friends who have been supportive of me throughout this journey. Its because of your support, that fuels my inner fire. EACH of you have not let me down, so how dare I even think to take that for granted and let you each down? I couldn't. I won't.
      I feel so blessed when each of you trust in me enough to share your success stories with me. Whether it be to lose weight, or try something new and overcome a fear, or whether it be just facing the fears of not having a job; and landing that job that makes you so happy, that you enjoy going to work each and every day. These little tidbits that you; my friends and family, have shared with me, help push me even harder. It's not to out do any of you, but I can literally feel your strength and support each time I'm lifting those weights, or running that extra few minutes, or pushing through some other form of regimented exercise.
      There have been some people that I have thanked for my continued success quite frequently in these blog postings, and this time I am not going to thank them. Not because I don't appreciate them by any means. That is not the case. But, there are other people that I too must thank.
       First, I can never thank my wife enough. She has been such a wonderful support system, and listening ear, and has completely re-changed her eating habits and style, just to help me be successful.
        Next, I want to thank Cimmaron Kuskie. He and I go back many years. Though, our lives veered apart for some time, he and I still have that friendship from so long ago. He has been extremely supportive, and has helped pushed my story out to his network of friends. To you Cimmaron, I say thank you for not only trusting in me to help you, but thank you for being a great friend.
        Next is Kelly Adele. She has been such an amazing and powerful voice in my efforts to get things done with regards to my supplements and trying to acquire them. She too, has spread the word around when I'm up to something new, and every so often, she sends me such a kind word of support. To you as well Kelly, I appreciate you showing some faith in me to help you succeed in your goals.
         Phil Sandeen. I could not make one more blog posting without showing him some love and appreciation. He is never aware of how much he refuels my drive to be successful. I think he possesses an apt of spider sense and knows when I need a kind word, or an aspect of motivation. He is a humble giant, and having the opportunity to meet him, and converse with him has been such a blessing in my life. So Phil, please never think your influence in my life is not appreciated. Thank you.
         Finally, I have to give some major recognition to Luke Avina. He has been a great source of knowledge, information, support, and motivation. He is a dying breed of what it means to pay it forward. He is always willing to help people out, offer advice and suggestions, but he knows and understands the fine line of not offering unsolicited knowledge versus helping out when asked. Thank you Luke for always being there when I needed you.
          One more finally, I have to thank Cody Allen ( though he may never see this ). Thank you for always believing in me and having my back.