For my friend, CSM E.F., I pulled myself up out of the mud.....

        Merriam-Websters's Collegiate Dictionary defines loyalty as such: " the quality or state or an instance of being loyal "
        Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines loyal as such: " 1: unswerving in allegiance: as a : faithful in allegiance to one's lawful sovereign or government b: faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due c: faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product 2: showing loyalty 3 obs: lawful, legitimate syn see faithful "
        The same book defines hypocrisy as such " 1: a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not; esp : the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion 2: an act or instance of hypocrisy " The very next word in this book is hypocrite, and it is defined as follows " 1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion 2 :  a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings "


   Besides the mere fact that I know how to read and can type verbatim what is coming from a book, what other factors do these words have that I would put pen to paper? These are 4 words that have been playing on repeat mode in my head for roughly the past 6 weeks or so.
    Life in general is meant to not be easy. There is confusion, there is stress, there are children involved for some of us, there are our careers, and for some there is the lack of a consistent pay check coming in. There are opinions and beliefs involved in life that are all generated from various backgrounds that make each and every one of us unique, different, and wonderful. Our various backgrounds that are intertwined within our lives have various factors that create them. They can include, but are not limited to social economic upbringings, geographical upbringings, our families and their influences in our lives, current economic standings, current family outlines, previous lessons from life that have helped form who we are currently, and the list can go on and on. The fun part in all of this, is to somehow take this melting pot of varieties  and make them somehow work for us in our lives. This, to me is where we each get to make the fun decision of compromise.
   Now that I have marinated the steak ( the background, information ); lets go ahead and put that steak on the grill and let it cook ( the hefty part of this blog )
 
   I am no different than any of you. I have to face the day to day responsibilities of life ( i.e. get up out of bed, go to work, do house chores, help my daughters do better in their lives, support my wife, be a friend just because to my friends, etc etc ). Having said that, I also recognize the fact that I have faltered and have failed at certain times in my life. We are not perfect and failures will happen. It's how we handle those failures and try to learn from them that makes us better. Day in and day out.
  Now, what I am upset and EXTREMELY pissed off at is when people are in our lives, and they want to scrutinize you, and judge you, and put you down because they do not agree with how you handle not only  certain situations but  how you conduct yourself. As if to say you don't meet up to their standards. Well, I'm sorry if I don't meet up to certain peoples' standards. It's an easy fix... remove yourself from my life or deal with the fact that I am not perfect. If you don't like it, by all means, stop being a part of my life. However, I dare anyone who can honestly look at their current situation, find someone that is in their life, and find fault with one or two individuals within their social circle; be able to step up and say that they themselves are faultless. I guarantee no one can say that they are not without fault or blame. We should all try to do a self check and see where we might be falling short in our own life before passing judgement towards another. It is so much easier in life to judge another, than it is to look at our own selves and admit that we too have problems.
    Then there is the loyalty aspect. I believe that like chivalry, so too is loyalty dying, if not already dead. People are so wrapped up in their own problems that they only care about what in life benefits them. I've worked with and have had friends who were these types of individuals, and I do best to try and separate myself as much as possible from them. I have no need, nor place in my life for them. I am a person, I have feelings ( although some would say very minimal ), and to some, I matter. What I'm getting at here is, and this is at least in my own case, I am loyal to those whom I consider my friends. I offer a hand of friendship whenever it is needed, and I rarely ever ask for anything back in return. However, when I need to call out to someone, and I have the anticipation that they too will be as loyal to me as I am to them, then they had better be able to match that expectation. If people in my life do not feel that they can; then please, do us both a favor and remove yourself from my social network of friends.
     Now, there is not a person that I know that has not been a hypocrite at one point in their life, me included. It all reverts back to the statement previously made about previous lessons in life. We make mistakes, and we make errors. Its whether or not we actually learn from those said mistakes and move forward that matters. However, when a person is an habitual hypocrite, then I would much rather they too remove themselves out of my life. I would much rather suffer the heartache of losing someone I deem a friend and love, then to be heartbroken in the future because their hypocrisy caused me emotional pain.
         I would much rather love you as a friend for being true to yourself, than to love you for something that you are not.. I'm sure you as the reader can agree with this next statement, and probably can think of someone in your life that this would reflect towards. I would much rather hate you for who you truly are, than to love you for what you truly are not. I'm simply stating, be you. Don't be what you THINK I may want you to be, just be you. At that moment, it is up to me to make the decision as to whether or not I want to keep, or can except you in my life as a social contact.

    *** Now that the steak has been thoroughly cooked, and is appeasing to our appetite, lets eat it, and let's throw on some sides with it too ****

    So the bottom line, at least from this writer is thus: Just be you. Don't be a fake... be you, and do YOU! Don't be what people want you to be. Break the mold of living up to another's expectations. If you don't meet up to what others' want, then they obviously have issues within themselves. Fuck them. It's pure and simple.
    We are not here to please everyone. It's impossible. How can we expect to please everyone when everyone has a different set of expectations and ideals? You can't. The best we can hope for is to be the best person we can be, and live by the " Golden Rule "  of treating others as we would want to be treated. If we have those people in our lives that are hypocrites, slowly remove yourself from a constant interaction with them. If you suffer from people judging you because you don't meet their expectations, silently pray for them that whatever GOD you attain to will bless them and help enlighten them with insight and understanding, and quietly remove yourself from constant interactions with them.
     However, if you like to be used for your kindness and generosity; if you like to be walked all over for your genuineness and heart felt honesty, then stay where you are.... but, if you don't like it, and you've had enough, muster up the intestinal fortitude to say " GET BENT ", and remove those individuals from your life. EACH OF YOU... and I mean EACH OF YOU deserve better than that. If anyone who is reading this blog, and feels as though I mis-treat or disrespect you personally, please, by all means bring it to my attention and afford me the chance to fix it.... if it is past that point, then send me a private message and tell me to " GET BENT "
     As I write this, most of the points that I bring up have been adamant in my life recently. I have had to withdraw myself from the rat race and look back at what I've gotten caught up into. I have felt used by people who are hypocrites, I have felt the pain of abandonment by others because I don't live up to their expectations, and I have seen first hand how another's involvement into my life was only beneficiary to their own personal gains.... to those people who have thought you can treat me like this... I say to you " shame on me for being heartfelt enough to care, but FUCK YOU for thinking you'd walk all over me. "
       Don't appreciate my language? I don't care. Don't like the mere fact that I'm standing up for myself, Too-God-damn-Bad, get over yourself and what ever thought process that is running through your puny little brain to think you can control me or make me do what you want. You won't. I refuse to allow it. Get over your insecurities of life, and grow the hell up.... THIS WORLD, NOR ME OWES YOU A DAMN THING!!
     I whole heartily, and publicly announce that I have a small circle of people I trust in my life. Those who are in that circle know it. Everyone else isn't. If you question whether or not you are in my circle of trust, ask yourself this one thing " Can Shane tell me something deep and secretive, and I not tell another person for the rest of my life?" If you feel that you can honestly answer yes to that question, then I already know that you are in my small circle, however, if you face doubt and uncertainty to the answer of that question, then guess what.... chances are I have not allowed you into my circle. Hence, this is where loyalty comes in.
     It's not that I have anything against people who can't help but run their mouths to whomever comes around, but it is simply that I have no use for you to tell my deep and darkest secrets to, nor will I ever confide in you. If you can't handle that reality from me.... then just simply remove yourself from my life... it's that simple.
      I was asked a while ago from someone dear to my heart, on how I could be so cold and uncaring if people just freely came and went in my life. I pondered on that question for a moment or two and I came up with, what I thought was a simple answer. " I was raised by a single mother and as an only child. The only person I've ever had to be responsible for was myself. Therefore, I took care of what I needed, when I needed it, and however I needed it... regardless of anothers' involvement. " and then I followed that up with "  People will let you down. They will fail you. However, how I handle that depicts solely on me. So, if I don't trust in other's, and hope that other's will come through with what I've asked them to do, then I only have myself to blame for the failure in the end..... " I still hold true to those statements.
      To close this blog out: if you are a hypocrite, if you are unloyal, then get the hell away from me. Remove yourself from my life. I don't need nor want you in it. There are a few people who are somewhat in my life currently, and as I think of their influence in my life, I just simply have to say " GO FUCK YOURSELF " . You are nothing more than a self righteous, egotistical, arrogant piece of shit who thinks you can live your life on the backs and hard workings of other people. I hate you, I despise everything about you, and I regret the day I ever met you. The knowledge of you wasting the same air space that I have been blessed with makes me ill to my stomach and I wish that you would do me, the human race, and everyone else a favor and just hold your breath and stop breathing, for you are nothing more than a waste for all that is good in life... you are what makes society a shit hole... because of the people you are and the type of people you represent.... please, literally... just stop.... I fucking hate you.
   In closing, a dear friend, and someone I will hold dear in my heart till my dying day once told me " You are only has good as those you surround yourself with " I believe that to be true even today....
      It is my prayer for each and everyone of my friends that they have someone watching their six. If not, find someone who will, if you can't find that person, call on me... chances are that I am already watching it. If you can't watch mine, then chances are, I'm not willing to watch yours.
   

Ethics... of not only people but companies

              "I , _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God."

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                                                                                     FIRST RANT

     I took this oath shortly, on, or around December 17, 2001. That was the day that I embarked to try and do my part post 9/11 to be patriotic. I possibly could have done more, but Uncle Sam has this thing against morbidly obese people who love their country. I was fat, I was overweight, however, I was as patriotic back then as I am today. I still believe in this oath. I live by it. I have yet to be released from it. 

     Having said that, allow me to be explicit in saying, that I want you, the reader to understand; that I am NOT ENLISTED. I am a civil service employee. I am not enlisted, I have never given the impression that I am. If anyone that knows me has thought I was enlisted, then I apologize for giving off that impression.

     So what the hell does this have to do with anything? Well, just here recently, my family and I had to embark upon a journey down to southern California to get to see my grandmother for the final time. Fortunately, we were blessed to see her, spend time with her, laugh with her, and joke with her for 2 days before she passed.

       On our journies, both to and from So Cal back to Utah, we got to stay in a decent hotel in Nevada. For sakes of Libel or slander, I will not name them. We also stayed in another hotel, aside from the one in Nevada near my grandmother's final resting place. BOTH, I REPEAT, BOTH of these two hotels ( 2 different chains ) offered me a better price because of my CDL ( commercial driver's license ) over my military I.D.   I'm sorry... but WHAT THE FUCK!!!!????? Really? Honestly??? Hotels are giving better rates to stay at their places to truck drivers over military members? 

       Now.... I understand that most hotels / motels have a higher chance of guests being truck drivers over military members/civil employees, I understand that.. But why can't they at least make the savings rate equal to, or at least a little bit better than truck drivers? Should we not, as a country, try and show appreciation to those men and women who have written the check, payable with their life, to all of us who sleep under the blanket of freedom? Yet, they are less than a mere truck driver who delivers goods from one state to another, spending hours and hours away from home and their families, and for some, they never leave their state that they currently reside in ?

       I was upset, and it truly hurt my soul gang. I was shocked, hurt, and I felt to some degree, embarrassment that I was receiving a better rate because I can drive big ass vehicles rather over the fact that I am willing to defend my country with my life. 

    

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                                                                                         SECOND RANT

       It appears that I have recently caused unrest and anger in a business, and a few of those involved with them. Why? Because I spoke my mind about something. Out of professionalism, I will not post this companies name. However, apparently, I pissed them off sooo good, that they have decided to go back on their word towards me specifically. That's all fine and dandy. Their business, their rules and policies. Fuckers.... 
        However I wonder, if I had actually spoke ill of their products ( oh god forbid right? ), would the people invested in this business take it personal and get all butt hurt and bent out of shape because I didn't like their product? Sounds like it to me. 
        I'm sorry, but if a business can't take some criticism, to any degree, then why the fuck are they in business? Consumers, at least the decent ones, would not be concerned with buffering a companies feel goods with lies. If you buy a product, try a product, and it does not work for you, why in god's name would you stroke a companies feelings with lies? Especially if you have no intention of ever using this companies products again in the future. 
       You don't like my responses that your products don't work for me? Go fuck yourself. You don't like that I'm honest and upfront? Use a tampon and deal with your bullshit feelings outside of a social media. I have an idea... how about looking at yourself in the mirror and realizing that you aren't the fucking best thing since sliced bread... DEAL WITH IT!!!   Perhaps instead of having your head so far up your fucking ass, maybe you should bring yourself down to a level to realize that your products may not work for everyone, and even take a few moments to sit back and take a glimpse that you in the end, ultimately fucked yourself because your feelings got hurt.  Wait... no that can't be it right? Everyone who doesn't get on your dick and suck it because they want free products is obviously the problem, not yourself or the way your company is ran right? Whatever. 
        What I am getting at here folks is don't be afraid of negativity because of your honesty. If you are willing to forego your honesty, whether it be to a business/company or a person... then what do you have? Absolutely nothing. You've sold yourself out for whatever reason.  People and companies deserve honesty. If they don't like it or can't handle it... fuck them. Be true to you and forget their feelings. 
       I'd love for ANYONE who reads this to tell me of a company that is majorly successful today, that has never received an ounce of negativity regarding themselves or any of that said companies products. Just 1... thats all I'm asking for. Can't do it? I didn't think so. 
       My point is thus: I WILL NOT SELL MYSELF OUT... I WILL NOT LIE JUST TO GET FREE SHIT IN LIFE. I HAVE NO QUARRELS WITH BEING HONEST. 
       Anything that I have ever taken, tried, tested, used, or continue to use now.... I have been honest about. I don't see the need in giving false hopes and aspirations to people or companies just to benefit myself. I would much rather give of myself and gain NOTHING to benefit the masses than to lie and lead people astray.
        Maybe I'm too harsh right now, but honestly, I don't care. The people need to be informed, and if you don't like it...  deal with me on a personal level, don't embarrass yourself and make stupid comments.... come to me, and we can talk about it like adults. 
         In closing, I love each of you for you. I don't have hopes or dreams for what you may or could be... fuck that... be yourself, and if people can't handle that... fuck them.!